sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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