we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
