So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
