i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
