Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
