I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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