the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
