I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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