Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
