she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
