I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
