Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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