even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
