saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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