I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
