When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You can't just leave with hair like that
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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