I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
