i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't put those talents on a resume
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
