the day after is always just damage control
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
