i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
