Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
