You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
