you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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