it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
