ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
