Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
