they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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