i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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