My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
