made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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