i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
