Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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