Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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