I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
