Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
