I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
