this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
