Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
