His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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