drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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