I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
