Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
