I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just want to make out with him forever
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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