he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
