I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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