I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
