So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
