today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
