I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So much rum. So many feels.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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