yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
