grandma shit on top of the toilet
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
