yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
