I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
