no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
