I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The best revenge is premature balding
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
