just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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