Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
