when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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